In 2000 my friend Susan and I started a swing dance club in a snooker pub called Mr. Slate’s. The owners had allowed us to use the dance floor on a Wednesday night for our purposes. We hired a teacher and every Wednesday night we held an hour lesson with a dance afterwards. What a blast! Lots of fun. I love swing dancing and so I was in heaven.
After one lesson a woman rushed towards me out of the audience and asked me if I was married. At this time I was recently divorced but I was in a relationship. I was quite surprised by the woman’s question and asked why she wanted to know. She explained that her daughter was getting married soon and she wanted me to come to the wedding and dance with all the single ladies. And she was willing to pay me $100. I was broke at that time, so I eagerly accepted. The wedding was taking place at Fantasy Farm, a small wedding location in Toronto.
I arrived at the wedding somewhat excited, because I had no idea how this evening was going to turn out. I had never done this before, but I knew it was going to make an interesting chapter in my book.
I met my employer who asked me to be discrete about why I was attending. In other words, I was there as a guest and not as a gigolo. I can do that. Then I found out that I was sitting at the family table with the bride’s aunts, uncles and nieces. Turns out that the uncle was a missionary who had just returned from a year in Africa. I was seated with very nice, very Christian people. Oh Jesus! Now what?
The most beautiful guest at the table was a 13 year old niece. Absolutely stunning. After a few minutes of polite chit-chat it became obvious that they knew why I was there and I was able to relax. Still, as far as I could see, I was the only Jew there. Oy vay!
I was seated next to a very attractive blonde aunt with cleavage. Christian cleavage at that.
I got through the meal and then we were asked by the M.C. to move to the outdoor patio while the room was rearranged for dancing etc..
On the patio the aunt I had been seated next to began talking to me. She informed me that she was a “born again Christian”. No real surprise there and I could see that she wanted me to tell her about my beliefs. But I wasn’t going to be drawn into that spider web. Instead I asked her where she lived. “Oh I live in the Beaches, but it’s not where my heart is. I really want to move back to where I belong, where I used to live.”, she explained. “And where is that?”, I asked trying to show interest. Her answer came and I almost lost my drink. It was so unexpected and so full of irony that I had a hard time keeping a straight face. This “Born Again Christian” wanted to move back home to Bathurst & Steeles. Bathurst & Steeles is situated at the northern end of Toronto and a bastion of Toronto Jewry. You can’t go more than a hundred feet in any direction and not find a Jewish, store, doctor’s office, bakery or lawyer. The thought of this lady feeling at home in the middle of Toronto Jewry was so ironic that the rest of the evening passed unmemorably.
